Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier
by mylael
Summary: Some troubling news sends Mary Anne Spier spiraling.
1. Chapter 1

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

Author's Note: The Baby-Sitters Club and all its characters belong to Ann M. Martin and Scholastic. I'm merely borrowing them.

CHAPTER 1

I cried for four hours last night. Four. Between the late late show and the early early show I was a mess of tears, tissues and honey-bacon potato chips. Mostly the crumbs. Because that's what I felt like. A crumb.

Maybe I'd better back up and tell you who I am. My name is Mary Anne Spier. I have brown hair and brown eyes, and I'm all of five foot two. I live in Stoneybrook, Connecticut, in a little yellow house with my best friend, Kristy Thomas, and her teenage son, Jeremy. Kristy and I have known each other since we were toddlers; we grew up next door to each other, until her mom married a millionaire and her family moved across town. Even then, we were still good friends, and we were both members of a successful business, The Baby-Sitters Club. (More on that later.)

I never expected to be single and living with my best girl friend at the age of 38, but then, I didn't expect a lot of things that have come my way in life. Just like Kristy didn't expect to be pregnant at 21. Can you believe she was the first of all my friends to have children? Not that Kristy shouldn't have had children; she's a great mom, and she's raised Jeremy without the help of Jeremy's father. It's just that Kristy was - and still is - the most tomboyish of all my friends. Kristy, pregnant? But it happened. Life is funny that way.

Life has been funny to a lot of my friends. Take Jessi for example. She thought she'd be a famous, or at least a professional, ballerina, but she was sidelined by a broken pelvis at the age of twelve, and now she's a legal aide. Talk about changing your life goals. The good news is that Jessi is married to a really nice guy named Andrew Finley, and they have two adorable kids, Bryton and Max. (Max is a girl.)

Or take Jessi's best friend from back in the day, Mallory Pike. Mal wanted to be an author or an illustrator, and was always lamenting about her looks (glasses, braces, frizzy hair). That was when she was eleven. But by the time she hit eighteen she was super pretty. She became a flight attendant and has gotten to travel all over the world. She's not married, but she's been dating a pilot named Mike for about five years.

Life has been less kind to Claudia Kishi, formerly known as Claudia Kishi Cranwell, then Claudia Kishi Forrester. Claudia has a ten-year-old daughter named Artalia, and the two of them do not get along, so Artalia lives with her father in Texas. Claudia was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes (not like the kind Stacey McJerk has, but more on her later) a few years ago, due to her overwhelming love of sugary snacks. She's been in and out of hospitals, and unlike Stacey, Claud just won't follow the diet her doctor has ordered. Claudia still takes her art pretty seriously. One of her paintings she did after her second divorce, "Deadly Black Bear On A Deadly Dark Night," won some big prize last year. Currently, she lives with her parents.

Who am I forgetting? Oh, of course - how could I forget Dawn Schafer, my stepsister? I actually haven't seen Dawn in a few years; she lives in California with her husband Kent and their three kids: Joston, 9, Greer, 7, and Delilah, 5. I went out to California to visit the family not long after Greer was born. Deep in my heart, I love Dawn - but she has changed. She runs her own business and, I don't know, we're so different now. It's hard.

Okay, so I'm sort of going down the old Baby-Sitters Club Member roster, here, and I know I'm leaving a few people off. Let's see... Shannon Kilbourne - no one's heard from her in ages; last we heard she moved to France. Abby Stevenson is a teacher in upstate New York, and Kristy is friends with her on Face Book - she's married and doing fine.

Who else? Oh yes, of course. Let us not forget the two people I haven't mentioned yet, the two that are actually the reason I spent four hours crying last night:

Logan Bruno and Stacey McGill.

Who are, apparently, having twins.


	2. Chapter 2

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

CHAPTER TWO

Back when we were in eighth grade, my friends and I wound up hanging out in a creepy graveyard on Halloween Night. We'd been summoned there via a sinister note from, it turned out, Cokie Mason, a girl from school. Her friend, Grace Blume, liked Logan, who was MY boyfriend, and those girls wanted to embarrass me - and the other members of the Baby-Sitters Club - in front of Logan, so that he would, I guess, stop liking me and fall into Grace's arms.

Only their plan backfired and MY friends ended up scaring the pants of Cokie and Grace and THEIR friends. Logan, it turned out, was there to witness it.

In true dumb-criminal fashion, Cokie and Grace then proceeded to admit why they'd done what they'd done. Grace pouted that Logan only hung out with the BSC, and didn't give other girls a chance. Logan said something then that I've thought about often throughout the years, though I didn't give it much thought at the time. He said: "I like Mary Anne right now."

"Right now." As in - "this is temporary."

Logan "liked Mary Anne right now" throughout our eighth grade year, even when we split for a while (because he was starting to get possessive and wouldn't give me space.) He liked me throughout ninth grade. But by tenth grade, he was suddenly, "Why don't you ever want to be spontaneous and take chances, Mary Anne?" and "Why do you like staying home and reading all the time? Why won't you come to more of my games?" He stopped liking me for ME. He stopped like Mary Anne Spier, who's quiet (usually) and sensitive (typically) and enjoys a good book (so sue me).

Then came the whole "let's just be friends" talk. By then, the BSC had disbanded and so we didn't even have baby-sitting in common anymore. It seemed hopeless. Do people EVER stay friends after they've dated? I mean, is that just a myth? Logan and I both dated other people. I went out with Rick Chow and Pete Black. Logan dated - oh, I don't even want to know how many girls he dated. After graduation, he went to one college, and I went to another. We tried to keep in touch, through letters. (Email was still in its infancy at the time.) But the letters' frequency began to diminish. By the time we graduated college, our correspondence had dwindled to basically Christmas cards.

College was - interesting. I made a few friends, dated a couple of guys, and got my degree in communications, with a minor in French. Me, shy little Mary Anne Spier, with a degree in communications? Totally laughable, even to me now. Guess what I did with my new skills and advanced knowledge? I became a nanny. In the last sixteen years, I've nannied for five families. I've even gotten to travel to China. Now, I'm sort of settled here in Stoneybrook; life with Kristy and Jeremy isn't always perfect, but we're doing all right. And I love my current nannying charge, a two-year-old girl named Sofia (who, incidentally, is the daughter of one of my old baby-sitting charges, Hannie Papadakis!)

Still, I do get lonely. And though my friends have, through the years, tried to set me up with various guys, I've never found "the one." In fact, every time I've come home after a lousy blind date or gotten one of those "it's not you, it's me" phone calls or texts, my mind has wandered back to eighth grade, to Logan, with thoughts like "what if..." and "maybe, deep down, he's still interested."

About ten years ago, I heard through the grapevine that Logan was engaged. I cried when I first heard, but you know what? The next thing I heard was that his fiancee had broken off the engagement. Logan was still single! I thought this was surely going to be fate's way of bringing Logan back to me. But I was too shy, too scared to contact him. I decided if it was meant to be, HE'D find ME. I had this... dream, I guess. Hope. Fantasy. Of Logan and me someday getting together, and me becoming Mary Anne Bruno.

Last night, that fantasy got blown to smithereens.

My phone buzzed about 10:15pm, while I was immersed in Jane Austen's Mansfield Park.

It was a text, from Claudia:

Claud: hay u here bout stacey?

(I know nobody spells correctly when texting, but Claudia seems to always take things to a lower level than should be humanly possible.)

Me: Whats wrong?

Claud: she pg

Me: Shes what?

Claud: pregnit. wth twns.

(Towns? Oh... wait... TWINS.)

Me: Omg I dont believe it!

Claud: ya but mary ane

Me: What?

Claud: i don no how 2 tel u ths but u shud kno hwo the fthr is

(Since the last I heard, Stacey was dating somebody named Colin, I had assumed that's who the father WOULD be.)

Me: Who?

Claud: its logging

Claud: dam ato crrect srry i mean logan. logan bronu

Me: Very funny claud

Claud: its tru. i sware on a stack of malomars. im sorry maryan,

And THAT'S when I started hyperventilating. And squeaking like a small, wounded animal. And then outright bawling.

Kristy heard me yowling and burst into the room. "Mary Anne, are you okay?" She's used to me crying, but not like THAT. I could only point to my phone, which I'd dropped onto the floor. Kristy snatched it up and began reading the texts from Claudia. Her eyes got wider and wider. "Oh my god," she cried. "This is insane! I don't believe it! Did she just send these? I'm calling her."

So Kristy called Claudia, and they talked for ten minutes. When it was all over, I was still crying, but slightly less loudly. Kristy began pacing as she explained to me: "Claud says Stacey and Logan just happened to run into each other when he was in New York for his job, and she was there visiting her dad. And they hooked up. I don't know if that's the whole story, but that's the story Stacey's sticking to. Oh, god, I'm SO sorry, Mary Anne. I know he was once YOUR boyfriend..."

"How could she do this? STACEY, of all people. I trusted her!"

"I know... she totally broke the friend code. You never date friends' exes without their blessing. But Mary Anne, you and Logan... I mean, that WAS over twenty years ago..."

"I don't care!" I snapped. "I hate her! I hate them both! It's so unfair! I mean, she's already BEEN married. She's already had her chance at happiness. Me, I'm thirty-eight and still single. The only guy I've ever really, REALLY cared about, was Logan. I don't care if it WAS ages ago that we dated. To me, it still feels like yesterday. And I will NEVER forgive Stacey for this. Never."

And I meant it.


	3. Chapter 3

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

CHAPTER THREE

"I now call this emergency meeting of the Baby-Sitters Club to order," Kristy declared, adjusting the pencil she'd placed behind her ear.

"Ah," sighed Claudia. "Just like old times. Well, sort of."

I knew what she meant. It WAS sort of like old times - we were sitting around Claudia's bedroom, ready to discuss important business. Kristy was wearing a visor and was looking official. The rest of us were watching her with interest.

But that was about the only thing that was the same, now. For one thing, only four of us were there: me, Kristy, Claudia, and Jessi. Kristy was sitting in a chair. The rest of us were on Claud's bed.

Claudia's room had changed, too. It used to be packed full of art supplies and junk food, and the room used to look distinctly "Claudia," with wild, colorful decor. But when Claudia moved out after high school, her parents had done some redecorating. Pastels got involved. Now that she'd moved back in, Claud hasn't done much to make the room "hers" again. It's still messy, though. The telephone we'd once used to take in Baby-Sitters Club calls was long gone, too. We all had cell phones, and anyway, like I've said, the BSC is long gone.

What was the Baby-Sitters Club? Well, it all started one day in seventh grade, when Kristy's mom had trouble finding a sitter for Kristy's little brother. Kristy suddenly thought - wouldn't it be great if there was ONE phone number that parents could call and reach a bunch of sitters at once? And so Kristy shared her great idea with me, then with Claudia. Claudia had just met Stacey, and wanted to ask her to join, too. We advertised, and soon, our business was thriving - so much so that we ended up asking other people to join (Dawn, Mal, Jessi, Abby, etc.) We got a lot of jobs and met a lot of great people.

But years had gone by, the BSC was a thing of the past, and so much had happened. Even looking at the four of us, you might not recognize us as the girls who once sat in this room, taking job calls and giggling about boys.

Kristy still dresses like a tomboy, with jeans, jerseys, hoodies, sneakers, and her hair in a perpetual ponytail. The main difference, now, is that there are gray hairs mixed in with the brown ones. Kristy's not one to start dying her hair, though. She really couldn't care less about her looks.

Claudia used to be a really wild dresser, but she has mellowed. For example, back in middle school she might be sitting here wearing an oversized purple sweater with yellow smiley faces on it, over yellow-and-black-striped leggings, with black sneakers that had silver buckles on them, and in her hair she might be wearing three headbands, and in her pierced ears she might have rabbit's foot earrings. Today, though, she was merely wearing a long peasant blouse over blue jeans, and black boots. Her jet-black hair was swept to one side and clipped with a barrett that looked like a penguin. Trust me, that's tame for Claudia.

Jessi, when she used to be an 11-year-old dancer, often came to BSC meetings right after her dance classes, and might be seen wearing jeans over one of her leotards. Now that she's a businesswoman and a mom, she dresses much classier. Some time ago, she got her hair cut super short (almost like a boy), but she looks beautiful no matter what.

And then there's me. Have I changed? Good question. Before the BSC started, my dad was really strict with me and made me wear skirts and blouses and little girl clothes. After he began to loosen up (and I began to assert myself) he started letting me wear things normal kids were wearing (which at the time meant, like, gigantic pink sweaters and jeans with zippers on the sides. Oh, we thought we were so cool.)

I tried to keep up with the fashion trends at first - but then, sometime during high school, I gave up. I now dress pretty casually... like Kristy, but slightly more preppy.

"You all know why we're here," said Kristy, tapping her fingers on her knee.

"Not really," said Jessi. "I mean, I do appreciate the irony, though - I had a get a sitter for my kids just so I could come to this meeting! But you said it was an emergency, so..."

"Well, I think it is," said Kristy, "because it affects two of our former club members - Stacey and Mary Anne - and one of our former alternate officers."

"How does it effect Mary Anne?" Jessi asked. "No offense, Mary Anne..."

"She still cares about Logan," Kristy explained, as I began to cry.

"There, there," said Claudia, patting me on the back.

"Why didn't I ever tell him I still cared about him?" I wailed.

Jessi cleared her throat. "Um, Mary Anne... I'm really sorry about your, um, feelings for Logan. And I know this news was a shock. I mean, none of us knew Stacey and Logan had even SEEN each other, much less gotten together. But personally, I'm actually happy for Stacey... and worried, too."

"She thought she might never have kids, because of her Diabetes," Claudia said thoughtfully. "And now to have two..."

"Well, and that's just it," Jessi said. "Like, I've heard women with her type of Diabetes can have more difficult pregnancies, with more risk of complications. And women who have twins often have more complications than women who have singles. She's got a lot going against her, and honestly? I think we need to focus on Stacey, now. We're her friends. Why isn't she here at this meeting?"

"We didn't invite her," said Kristy, looking down at her hands.

Jessi shook her head. "You guys... MARY ANNE, would you PLEASE tone it down a decibel?"

I buried my face in one of Claudia's pillows and tried to tame my emotions.

"If you guys are going to start shunning Stacey just because of who the babies' father is," said Jessi, "then I want no part of it."

"I would never shun Stacey!" Claud cried. "She's been one of my best friends since-"

"The purpose of this meeting," Kristy said loudly, interrupting Claudia. "Was to discuss the issue. We're not saying we're going to shun anybody. We're just talking, that's all."

We were all silent for a few minutes. Then Claudia said, "You know what? I'm going to ask Stacey how we can help her."

"How far along is she, anyway?" asked Kristy.

"Four months."

"Wow."

"Yeah... I was over at her place last night. She's very emotional, and I know she's scared about this whole thing. She might have to raise the babies by herself. Maybe her dad can help her. I wish her mom was still alive."

"Is Logan planning to help her?" asked Kristy.

"Logan and her aren't really an item. I mean, it was kind of a one-night deal... well, more like a weekend deal. She's not in love with him or anything. I doubt she'd want him to move in. But she's going to need help."

"Well, she's got the best people in town to help her," said Kristy. "You, me, and Jessi are all moms, and Mary Anne's a great nanny. Plus, anyone who was once part of the Baby-Sitters Club has got their credentials in order."

I finally unburied my face from Claudia's pillow and looked at my friends.

"Mary Anne?" questioned Kristy.

"I guess I'll help Stacey, too," I said, sighing. "But I'm never speaking to Logan, ever again!"


	4. Chapter 4

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

CHAPTER FOUR

I know what I said, and I MEANT what I said, but I didn't count on running into Logan three days later.

I was nannying for Sofia, and we were on our way to Story Hour at the library. Which is to say we were ten minutes late for said Story Hour, because Sofia has short, fat little legs, and can't walk very fast, and because she'd rather stop every three feet and look at dandelions than be there on time to hear _The Little Engine That Could_.

So we were making our way along the sidewalk when all of a sudden I heard my name: "Mary Anne!" And my heart skipped a beat because I knew that voice. Sure, it was deeper than I remembered. Gravelier. But it was unmistakably Logan, with his adorable Louisville accent.

And I desperately wanted to hide. Or let the sidewalk swallow me whole.

"Mary Anne," he said again, "how are you?" I suppose he was waiting for me to formulate a response. I was trying, honest. But I was also blushing about eight shades of pink.

"I'm good," I said quietly.

"Wadybuh!" exclaimed Sofia.

"Who's this?" asked Logan, smiling down at Sofia.

"I'm a- she's my- I'm nannying for- yeah," I said. Annnd I sounded like an idiot.

"You're a nanny! Nice. Going for a walk, huh?"

"Yeah, we're walking to the-" (Wait a second, don't TELL him where you're going! He might try to come with you!) "library."

"Ah. Well, I'm actually just out on a walk myself. I'm visiting my parents, and you know how that can be... I need a little space," he grinned, then immediately blanched. "Uh, I... er... YOUR father is... how is he? Is he-"

"My dad's fine," I said, looking at the ground. "He's retired. He and Sharon actually moved into HER parents' old house... her parents passed away... and it's a nice place."

"That's great. I mean, that they're happy."

"Yeah."

"Well, I won't keep you. But- uh, Mary Anne?"

I knew what he was about to ask. I knew before he even said it. Sometimes, back when we used to date, I felt like we were psychically connected, Logan and I. That feeling was still present. "Yes?" I said, steeling myself for his words.

"You've heard, haven't you? About Stacey?"

"Yes," I said, and suddenly I just felt like being mean. "I hear you two are starting your own little family. It's so sweet. I'm happy for you both."

"Oh, um, well..." Logan stammered.

"Stacey's one of my best friends," I said. "I know she'll make a great mom. I also know that if you treat her badly, every single member of the BSC will dedicate themselves to making YOUR life miserable."

Logan stared at me. For a minute, he couldn't speak. Then he said, quietly, "Boy, Mary Anne... you sure have changed."

"Middy Anne!" Sofia was tugging at my sleeves.

I scooped up my nannying charge and held her close. "We have to go," I said pointedly to Logan.

He nodded. "Goodbye, Mary Anne." Then he turned away.

All of a sudden, an eerie feeling washed over me. I'm not sure where it came from, but it gave me instant goosebumps and made my stomach tie in a knot.

I suddenly had the very real feeling that I would never, ever see Logan again.


End file.
